Look, 2016 has been a giant pile of…unfortunate stuff. Maybe you decided to skip Thanksgiving with members of your family for certain reasons. Yet, 2016 isn’t over and Christmas is coming. Odds are good it’s gonna be hard to avoid some family during this festive time. Never fear! I’m here with some helpful hints that will get you through to the end of 2016.
Changing the Topic at the Dinner Table: Depending on the political bent of your family, there may be some difficult moments at the table when gathered this December. You may find it necessary to change the topic and mood at the table in a moment’s notice. This is not as difficult as you may think, and can be achieved with swift resolve using the following method. Keep a karaoke machine underneath the table at all times, a good tablecloth will hide that it’s there. When the time comes, quickly set it on the table and start belting out Joe Jackson’s “Breaking Us In Two.”
When Someone Asks Of Your Personal Life: It’s natural that family members will want detailed essays about your personal life–mostly to know if you’re dating anyone, married yet, or have succumbed to a life of crime. If a family member corners you and begins to ask far too personal questions with that judgmental tone, simply hand them a photo of Steve Harvey. Everyone loves Steve Harvey, this will cause them to simply forget what was on their mind and ask if you saw “The Feud” last night.
When You Need to Be Alone: It’s perfectly normal to need some breathing room during Christmas. However, when the house is overflowing with friends and family, you may find it difficult to find a space to go to for that precious few minutes of space. The only practical space is to find an unoccupied bathroom and take it over. Take all the time you need. Feel no shame that if someone knocks on the door, it’s OK to yell loudly “I’ve got the turkey trots! Let me be!”
I hope these hints can provide you with much needed diversion during the upcoming Christmas season, or whatever it is you and your family do. Remember, we all love you and are pulling for you. You’re gonna be just fine! See you next week.