I was sick most of last week. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I was happy it would mean a few days of needed rest. The biggest problem was that this attack came the week of a big and busy weekend coming where I needed to be a fully operational Andy. The kind of weekend where I would be speaking to groups of people and not needing to be a snotty monster covered in the crud of a thousand deaths.
It hit me in the most unexpected way. Monday had been a really good day, but in the evening I started to go through a box of tissues. I woke the next day with the full throws of crud having overtaken my body. I was filled with panic since I had this big thing coming up on Saturday night. I thought “engage recovery mode quick!” The clear first step was to embrace one of nature’s most powerful healing aids, “The Price is Right.”
Do not scoff, dear reader. Once I laid on my couch and the let the power of Plinko wash over me, I began to feel better. I did other folk remedies and began eating soup like I had just won a jackpot of Campbell’s. I took this amish ointment and rubbed it all over my body, I covered myself with purell from head to toe. I phoned my friend and yelled “Everything is burning! That means it’s getting better, right? RIGHT!?”
On day two I began the tea therapy. I guzzled mug after mug of hot herbal tea waiting for it to kick the sick out of my body. As the days crept closer to Saturday, I began googling more and more “cure alls” as if I was a desperate man in a bad stage play. I went to the local drug store and bought every cough drop and throat lozenge they had. I can now tell you the EXACT kind you need for whatever throat irritation you may be having at this moment. I have found that for this crud Fisherman’s Friend was best.
Friday arrives, I’m feeling about 65% like myself. I go into super emergency recovery mode to get me to at least 80% for the next night. I lay on the couch and watch Vincent Price films all day. That afternoon, I ventured outside for the first time and I was shocked to see this glowing orb in the sky. Amazingly, I woke on Saturday with a sense of about 79%. I took it, and I managed to make it through my crazy weekend without seeming like a corn husk of a man. Even if I maybe got a little carried away during the week. See you next week.