In this, the year 2018, I have a few things I’d like to see happen in this world of ours. 2017 was a real bacon wrapped nightmare, and I really hope we can turn things around this year and truly make the world a better place.
This week, with the hopes and wishes of all the children of all the places of all the worlds. I’d like to take some time to list my wish list for 2018.
I wish for peace and love for all my fellow humans, I wish that my blood pressure wouldn’t surge each time I catch a tiny sliver of the damned news at night.
I wish for us to solve the issue of hunger, that we can help all those who need food. I hope that Waffle House keeps their prices low and continues to not judge me when I walk into there late at night covered in fur and oil.
I hope that we can all come together as one, stand in harmony, and sing a heartfelt rendition of “All I want for Christmas is You” in the middle of April—the most unexpected time.
I pray, with all my heart, that in 2018 science will finally answer the most pressing question Earth has ever faced. How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop?
I hope in the coming year we can finally determine if kale is the super food that will save us all, or if it’s just merely “fancy spinach.”
I also wish that 2018 is the year science can make potatoes a health food. I need to eat fries to drop the pounds. Make this happen, please.
I hope in 2018 my ex will stop texting me the Joni Mitchell song “River” every year on my birthday. It’s even weirder since she married last Fall.
I wish that this coming year the city will finally approve my grant to build a giant statue of Alex Trebek in the heart of downtown. When asked why I wanted to do this, I simply told them “the children of the world.”
I hope those jerks who keep calling me to sell me insurance and medicare will stop calling my house every five minutes this year.
These are just a few of my hopes for this coming year, but I hope for you and yours it is a year filled with peace and love and hope and joy and a decent bank account. See you next week.