Now that May has arrived, schools are letting out and everyone is thinking about their plans for the Summer. Plans of taking the family on vacation, being lazy by a pool, cookouts, and other fun outdoor activities. There’s also going to be the traditional wave Summer blockbusters hitting the local multiplex. This week, I thought it would be fun to take a look at some of the upcoming films that, though they follow the same beats as every other blockbuster we’ve seen as of late, are using original ideas and concepts, and not simply remakes. Let’s dive in!
“Johnson & Johnson: Vampire Hunters” Since multi-connected cinematic universes (universi?) are all the rage these days, “Johnson & Johnson: Vampire Hunters” is the first in a proposed series of films of what will form the Kroger Bathroom Items Cinematic Universe. This tells the story of Johnson and Johnson, the two dudes that make the baby shampoo, teaming up together in the 1800s to fight off vampires from another dimension.
These vampi res have brought much death and devastation on their reign of terror, causing so many to cry for their beloved city and loved ones. This leads to the great fight at the end when Johnson runs a stake through the heart of the main vampire while saying, in a gritty voice, “No. More. Tears!” Be sure to look out for the cameo from Jebadiah Elias Clean—who comes in to help clean up the carnage and is canonically the great-grandfather of Mr. Clean.
“Cool Spot: The Movie.” ‘90s nostalgia is in vogue right now, as are film adaptations of beloved video games from the past. “Cool Spot: The Movie” hits both these marks by bringing back the beloved star of the 1990s 7up ads and also brings his much enjoyed video game to the big screen as well. In this gritty action film, Cool Spot has been retired for 20 years, but he’s forced out of that retirement for one final case as he hears a story that someone has stolen the precious formula for The Uncola and wants to sell it to the highest bidder on the black market.
Cool Spot, in this new world, is a hardened vigilante, who is out to return the precious recipe to the rightful owners, no matter what the costs are. Much like the successful film “Deadpool,” “Cool Spot: The Movie” will be rated R for graphic violence, language, sexual situations, and nudity. Free bottles of 7up will be provided to those who see the film opening weekend.
“Meme Daddies: Oopsie Noes!” At long last, the long-awaited sequel to “Meme Daddies” is here! Those adorable little scamps are back on the big screen once again, getting into all sorts of trouble and misadventures! Listen to them as they try to say “Artichoke” and get the words mixed up. What silly sots! You’ve seen them in so many posts from your family members on Facebook, but now once more they come to us again with their fun for a delightful Summer romp.
In “Oopsie Noes!” The Meme Daddies accidentally hack into a computer and cause missiles to be launched in random directions. Can they figure out how to activate the self-destruct mode on each missile before it’s too late and we’re all at war with one another? Come see what these adorable fellers can come up with this Summer as they try to undo a grave error with their jokes and inspirational memes!
As you can see this Summer is going to be a jam-packed blockbuster time at the old picture show! I can’t wait to see all of these films, or more realistic avoid crowds and watch them at home when they land on HBO GO in a few months. See you next week