Considering I’ve not had a lot going on as of late, I was struggling to find something entertaining to write about for this week’s edition. Lucky for you guys, a nut from a dating app sent me a bizarre message and it’s been awhile since we’ve visited that dark little corner of the universe so I thought it was the perfect time to follow up!
To bring you all up to speed, I am still participating in my favorite sport, online dating, or as I’ve come to affectionately call it, “Tindering.” While it has hardly been fruitful in terms of finding a love connection, I have gained hundreds of hours of entertainment from the wacky stuff I get sent and from the handful of dates I’ve actually gone on, none of them have murdered me so that’s a bonus.
This particular message really brought to the forefront a certain type of crazy that exists in the world- the “you owe me something” guy. While this is an example of an extreme case, I feel a lot of men are falsely under this impression and I’m hoping this story will make them aware of their mistake.
To give you the backstory, there isn’t much of a backstory. Apparently I swiped right on this fella in mid-June, we matched, he sent me a message that said “not only are you beautiful but funny as well,” and I never responded, probably because I opened it, looked more closely at his profile and realized I wasn’t interested based on the fact that we had nothing in common (or I noticed the fistful of turquoise rings he was wearing.) This happens daily on these apps, even to me. You shoot your shot and sometimes people answer and sometimes they don’t. I don’t even get on there often, sometimes going weeks without checking, and I don’t have my notifications turned on which makes it worse, so there’s a chance I just didn’t see it. Cut to Thursday July 2nd (almost 3 weeks later) at 4am when I get a barrage of messages from this total stranger, that hit every range of emotion from complimentary to sad to full on rage. I’ll spare you the long-winded run down, but the Cliff’s Notes are as follows:
“We were potential soulmates and now you’ve ruined both of our lives. But if this was done in error please don’t take offense because you’re gorgeous and I’m lucky to even talk to you. But if you just ignored me after I took time out of my day to pay you a compliment, you should at least say thank you! I guess your lips are so swollen from Botox that you physically couldn’t respond. You’re absolutely stunning and men throw themselves at your feet and I would be honored to take you out for a drink and all I need is one chance. But you have to give me that chance before you wad me up and throw me away like garbage.”
Whoa. What? That is a much shortened version of the novel he wrote me, but you get the idea. A manic, emotional diatribe all because I, a total stranger, didn’t acknowledge his existence.
First off, thank god I didn’t meet this guy in person, because if this is how he reacted to being virtually ignored, what would he do in person if I said I didn’t feel a spark? Or if we went out once and I just wasn’t interested and he knew my actual phone number. That is very scary precursory behavior at the very least.
Listen up. Whether you are male or female, no one owes you ANYTHING. This WORLD doesn’t owe you anything. If a total stranger speaks to you, you are under no obligation to respond and if you think otherwise, you need to change that real quick. If you’re in the business of being nice simply to get something in return, you are doing it for the wrong reason. No I don’t advocate for people to be rude or nasty to each other, and it costs nothing to smile and say thank you. But if you pay someone a compliment, do them a favor, buy them something, hook them up with a job, whatever it may be no matter how “big” the action- they are not indebted to you! Even if it’s someone you know, let alone a complete and total stranger from the internet. If you want to do something kind, do it out of the goodness of your heart not with the expectation that you can now hold it over someone’s head.
A lot of women are taught to always be polite and accommodating in an effort not to make others uncomfortable and that can be our undoing. How many true crime stories out there involve a woman who didn’t want to cause a scene and ended up dead for it? Again, an extreme scenario, but this type of mindset can put you in uncomfortable situations whether it’s on a date or with someone in power like a boss, or just someone you consider a friend who is helping you during a rough time. If you’re uncomfortable, speak up! I cannot emphasize that enough.
If you’re single and on the dating scene like me, we’ve got enough to worry about. It’s near impossible to find the type of weird that matches your own personal brand. So do us all a favor, if you’re the “you owe me” guy- suck it up. Toughen up. Let it go. The world is all just a numbers game and mostly failures. Like my momma always says, you catch more flies with honey, so a bad attitude isn’t gonna help those numbers go up.