Today is what a weirdo like me would consider a perfect day. It’s snowing for the first time this season and the weather is finally cold and dreary enough to require boots, a heavy coat and kicking the thermostat over to “heat.” Upon leaving a successful meeting with one of my accounts, I was strolling to my car in my favorite black trench and thigh high boots, swinging my work bag, when I caught a glimpse of myself in a car window. I looked really happy and it takes a lot for me to say that. Sure, the brisk winter air and snow flurries had put me in a pretty good mood, but there was something deeper going on. It hit me that I looked like what I have always wanted to be- a professional, successful, independent woman, thriving in a metropolitan city. I looked (and somewhat felt) like Samantha Jones.
For the uninformed, Samantha Jones was Kim Cattrall’s character on “Sex and the City.” When I was enamored with that show in high school and college, Samantha instantly became my favorite and a personal icon/aspiration. In hindsight, watching that show 15+ years later, they really went out of their way to make her larger-than-life to the point that it was cartoonish, but the core values are not lost in all the campy hijinks. Samantha was a strong, attractive, powerful woman who took charge of her sexuality and held her own in a room full of men both personally and professionally. She was unabashedly confident and fun, and never once apologized for being exactly who she was. She didn’t want children or a husband, and she was her own boss. She was everything I wanted to be at 16 and she’s everything I want to be now.
There’s no need to beat the proverbial dead horse regarding stereotypes between single men and single women. Obviously there is still a bit of stigma where unmarried women of a certain age are considered “undesirable” while men can live their entire lives tomcatting around and be viewed as “confirmed bachelors.” Thankfully however, the tides have turned quite significantly in recent years, with women becoming more in control of their careers, relationships and even (thanks to science) the aging process and these stereotypes are nowhere near as damning as they used to be.
I wake up every morning cozy and comfy sprawled out in the middle of my all white bed and surrounded by countless overstuffed pillows. I get to spend my morning drinking coffee, exercising and enjoying breakfast without hearing so much as a peep from another human being for hours. I watch whatever I want on TV, eat whatever I feel like for dinner and if I want to polish off a bottle of wine on the couch after, there is no one to stop me. I go out when I want and come home when I want without answering to a single soul. I have my own job and money, and though I’m by no means rich, I’m not dependent on anyone else financially. Thanks to dating apps, if I decide I want to enjoy the company of a gentleman over a free meal, it’s mere swipes away. I also have a close friend or two whom I can tolerate inside my home a few times a month to fulfill the “couple pangs.” We cook, cuddle, watch movies and do other couple-y things, but neither of us have any further expectations and in the end we go our separate ways. I have really no idea what they do in their spare time, and vice versa, and for that reason I have zero stress. Because I’m honest about not wanting a relationship, I don’t feel the need to eliminate things from conversation or hide parts of my life, which makes for very low maintenance companionships. Between work, friendships and family my fulfillment cup runneth over and I couldn’t imagine wanting for anything else.
While I am blissfully happy in my (probably terminal) singledom, I do understand this life might sound like a full-fledged nightmare for another woman. And that is totally ok! What is for me is not for someone else. I’ve never grown a baby inside me, but I’m certain that women who have couldn’t possibly imagine trading in that life experience for mine. I also understand there are women who can’t bear the thought of facing old age alone; trust me, it’s a scary thought! But for me personally, a scarier thought is ever settling again for someone who doesn’t value me just to have a nice picture on a Christmas card. In all honesty, I’ve been married and I’ve been in love (two separate entities let’s be very clear) and neither of those were worth my happiness, which is ultimately what they cost me. Because I have been so emotionally traumatized, I hold my inner peace very close to my heart and no one is going to be given the opportunity to steal it from me again. If that confirms my bachelorette doom, so be it.
When I visualize my future, which I do quite often as a firm believer in manifestations, I see only myself. I don’t see a partner or children with whom I’m sharing my successes. But it’s a very rich future, where I am so fulfilled by my dynamic relationships, rewarding careers and world travels that a partner or child aren’t even a viable option-in fact they would be burdensome. It’s wonderful that we now live in a world where I have that option and don’t feel the pressure to settle down with someone for security. Like so many men and Samantha Jones before me, I’ll be out here handling my own business and inviting any interested parties to try and catch up.